It’s 10pm and I start working tomorrow. Precisely at 9am. I’m a nervous wreck, I feel shitty as it is and can feel panic attacks coming my way. I desperately need to speak to someone and guess what? The boy went to bed. What a pig. See. This is what happens when you been together with someone for so long. They take you for granted…Never mind the fact that you’re upset, there’s heaps of chores to do - laundry to be folded and ironed and dishes to wash. What does the boy do? SLEEP!

I liken this to a see saw relationship; u’re always on the ground, the other person’s in the air and enjoying himself without caring if you’re hurting at all.

I hate you.

It is pure torture to not being able to satisfy a craving immediately.

Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam laksa. Asam laksa. Asam Laksa. Asam Laksa.

Sigh…

...

Every so often I get this nagging feeling which makes me break out in sweat. I guess it can be classified as a panic attack with difficulty in breathing and cold sweat dripping down my back.

Every so often, my paranoid mind reminds me that Dad is not getting any younger. Dad recently had a minor operation to remove two lumps off his back. Two cyst, which hopefully be benign when the biopsy results comes out.

I don’t know what else is there to say. The guilt, the pain….Someone please tell me what to do.