16 weeks

What a milestone. Not for baby but for me. I went out for a mock tail with the BFF who is in town for a visit. Twitchy stayed home to take care of the baby. I was out for a good 2 hours! I felt so free! 

It had to happen... Eventually

Of course it had to happen. Baby K did her first big poo and leakage when we're out today. I guess in a way we've been lucky she has been good, only pooing at home and never when we're out. Now that we're 15 weeks of course it happened.

It leaked everywhere and boy, it sure does smell.i had a moment of panic in the parents room before instinct kicked in and me using up all wet wipes/paper towels/towels to clean baby, her toys and wipe down the capsule. I layered the pram with paper towels before putting baby back in and going straight home.

Two hours later and I still can smell poo :(

Snap

Today I snapped. I snapped at Twitchy for his lack of respect and empathy in my role caring for baby. 

I don't think he truly understands how hard it is, to care for an infant without any help. It all started when Baby K was being a little unsettled in the morning. After much coaxing, carrying, and soothing the crying still hasn't stop. So I put baby k down and left her crying.

Surprise surprise, Twitchy came along, and said he'll pick her up - implying I haven't done enough. That was the breaking point. From there I told him he can care for the baby on his own for the next few days and that I won't bother helping or telling him what to do.

Seems vindictive but it's the only way to get my point across. Twitchy has never cared for baby on his own. I am there when he wants to rest, I am there when baby is having a meltdown.... And every day when he comes home from work he doesn't see how much I work to keep baby fed, slept, settled and happy.

Or how about the many times he wakes up in the morning or comes home at night and says he is tired. Excuse me? You don't know what tired is

Or the many times he off handedly says - don't leave baby unattended, don't let baby watch tv, don't do this, don't do that...

You don't know how hard it is, dude!

So today I am taking a step back and not caring for the baby as much. 

Next week I shall book myself into the spa.

13 weeks

Feeling emotional today. Baby K is 13 weeks and wow, I am now definitely feeling like baby is growing up so fast! Last night was the first night baby slept in her cot ( next to my side of the bed) and I was already feeling lost. I miss having baby in bed, as much as it won't work out in the long term. Nevertheless, I have to be strong and persevere. She must get used to sleeping in her own bed.

Baby's also ... A baby. I am constantly in awe at how much she has grown since the early days. I am sad she is growing quickly and those days are behind us, yet excited to know that she is getting a bit older, a bit bigger and is less fragile!

Personally, I am currently feeling a loss of identity. I was going through my wardrobe and although I can fit into my pre maternity clothes, I'm not sure I want to. Who am I? I'm not who I used to be. And will I always feel this way? Or will I ever be back to who I am? Oh so many questions...

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Growth :

Baby K has hit 5kgs! She is still a small baby and I'll never expect her to be as big as others but it very cute to see her filling out her clothes and seeing those fat folds!

Sleep:

Baby K will now sleep in her cot at night! She is a fairly good sleeper at night, only waking up for feeds every 3 hours. Nope, no sign of sleeping through the night....but it's ok. I will adapt. She is also much better at her day sleeps too, she would sleep in the pram, on the couch or in bed as long as she is swaddled, have a pacifier and a sound machine.

Eat :

Still exclusively breast feeding. We have stopped dreamfeed and it as getting a little tiresome and stressful for me to pump ( and pray that there's enough)in the morning. One day at 12 weeks, Bethany suddenly refused to feed. She didn't want the boob at all and went on for 8 hours without feeding. That gave me quite a scare. Since then I decided nothing matters as long as she feeds. I still intend to express and store milk in the freezer for the future though, especially if I am not around.

Outings :

We're constantly out and about now, no holding back there! Exercise and social keeps me sane and keeps baby asleep in the pram.

Milestones :

Baby K is grasping at a lot of things and is fond of her daddy. She has a strong neck and legs and would constantly kick them high in the air. She would also know how to reach out of the pram to be lifted out, something she has done since week 7! She has also held her dummy and took it off and put it back in, although I don't think it's intentional.

Settling- much easier to read her cues, to know what she wants and what I can do . As a result, she doesn't cry too much these days. Only when she is overtired and fussy...s

Clothes - size 000s are the right fit for r&r now!

Physical developments - Baby K has pretty bad skin, I thought it was cradle cap, but it appears all over her body. Will get it checked out at the doctors soon and I sure hope to get a resolution ( not just one telling me to apply cream). It does look like Eczema, fingers crossed it isn't!!