Lurgy

Been down with the flu since...my hens! Which is more than 2 weeks now. I just can't seem to get any better and my spirits are sinking lower and lower as the day goes by.

The wedding's 15 days away, and here I am fighting to get well.

I can't feel anything except anxiety. Please please please let me be well again. I need the energy, the strength and stamina to get through this.

Never forget

5 years ago, on this very same day (Wednesday) daddy passed away.

The day my heart broke for the second time. Things have never been the same since.

I miss you dad. What I'd give to have you around, to talk to.
To walk down the aisle and have our dance

Insomniac

Nobody ever tells you the hidden perils of wedding planning. The panic and anxiety of wanting THE wedding, of wanting a wedding that is absolutely unique to you and him.

And defining what makes you, you!

I'm want a wedding that's special, not only to me and him, but to all our guests.

Am I asking for too much?

I've been having many sleepless nights, worrying of crap like that. I don't know if it's entirely attributed to wedding planning - apparently being on diet does that to you.

Why!?

One of my bridesmaids, who is getting married a month after me will be booking with the same photographer. MY PHOTOGRAPHER.

I am so dismayed. Why would anyone do that, especially with the circumstances? Our weddings are so close, and the photographer already doing mine?

:(

Yearning....

People who know me would find it hard to believe, but I think I'm there. I've lost a few years.... a few years of living in a smog, partying up a storm, I think I'm there.  After being in a 8-year relationship, I think there is a need for an affirmation of some sort. Perhaps it's my biological clock ticking, or me slowing down, or simply just growing up, I want so much more in my life...

I feel like I'm wasting away, waiting....and there are moments I feel I'm being taken for granted.  Yet, have I any choice? I never want to be the one who gives the ultimatum. I can't say anything. I'm gagged. I'm stuck. 

...and there's a niggling feeling, a fear of growing old and being played....