Set the date, set the date!

What an immense relief.  After weeks of stressing and looking, we've finally decided on the wedding venues. Most importantly, the date! We've set the date!

The countdown begins!

Gotta loose weight....stat!

While furiously researching about the oversea wedding (yes I will be having two wedding reception), it occurred to me that I would have a limited time frame to loose the 10 kgs that I envision before dress fittings and pre-wedding photos. 

...Eep.

Or the wedding photos might look a little something like this...

Angst (and hurray for the blogger app)

I'm angry. There, I've said it. Just when I'm about to fade into an old, content (and almost unrecognisable) lady, my teenage angst emerges.

- I'm angry I never got the say on when events in my life should happen.
- I'm angry that even though things are seemingly falling into place, I feel as alone as ever.
- I'm angry and am tired of waiting.
- I'm angry I don't have an outlet to vent, that I can't even drink or smoke or act out. Even Twitter is reduced to cryptic 140 rants, with increasing "friend" followers.

Gone were the days I could just express myself and be anonymous.

So thank fuck for the Blogger app. I'm back!

Yes!

He proposed. On the 3rd of October 2011, he finally popped the question. No romantic speech, no big romantic lead up. A verbal vomit on Mission Beach, Qld , on the first night of our vacay.

It was a sweet gesture. And its at a beautiful setting - on the balcony of our beach front getaway. And he picked the perfect ring. What more can I ask? I am so blessed.

Yearning....

People who know me would find it hard to believe, but I think I'm there. I've lost a few years.... a few years of living in a smog, partying up a storm, I think I'm there.  After being in a 8-year relationship, I think there is a need for an affirmation of some sort. Perhaps it's my biological clock ticking, or me slowing down, or simply just growing up, I want so much more in my life...

I feel like I'm wasting away, waiting....and there are moments I feel I'm being taken for granted.  Yet, have I any choice? I never want to be the one who gives the ultimatum. I can't say anything. I'm gagged. I'm stuck. 

...and there's a niggling feeling, a fear of growing old and being played....

 

Halloween

I have a thirst. A thirst I can't seem to quench....

Happy Halloween! Is it just me, or are people getting more and more into "it"?

I don't remember much of Halloween in my childhood, just the occassional party. My only memory of "dressing up" for a halloween party was wearing a witches' hat one year. That's it. But, hey, we sure as well made up for it the past few years!

In fact, in almost every party the last few years!

I try to steer away from drama genre movies, especially the ones about someone dying from cancer.
The pain is just too fresh, too painful.

But today I got cheated into watching one. Damn it. I hate "The Last Song".
:(

food I live for

Had my wisdom teethe extracted a couple of days ago. While I certainly don't feel any different on an intellectual level (get it? get it?) I realise one important thing. There is a reason why I am never ever going to be skinny. I love food. Oh the agony of not being able to eat. I can only have that much soup.

Oh and another thing. Hungry me = grumpy me.

Choking

Awww man, woke up with a horrible sense of dread. Had another one of those nightmares again. Please.Let this be what it really should be. A nightmare. That's it. Please.

Karma

i believe in karma, i truly do. Surely if there is justice in the world, something would have been done to the bitching, the malice, the politics and the unfairness at work?

Problem is, can karma hit these people any sooner so that I can watch?

:'(

Personality Traits of Taurus Women

I am never one who follows horoscopes, I've never taken them seriously. Yesterday, during a team meeting at work, we were exchanging star signs, and I announced that I am a Taurus, along with 3 others. The boss commented that it is very obvious that I am a Taurus. That comment got me curious....so I googled it, of course!


Personality Traits of Taurus Women

A typical Taurean woman can be described as loving, reliable, artistic, attentive, gentle, calm and patient. She is introvert and deeply sensual, with considerable moral and emotional courage. She has a practical approach. She is loyal to her friends and stands by them in any situation.

Physical Appearance

Being ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty, a Taurean woman is blessed with a charming and fascinating personality. Due to her magnetic personality, she becomes center of attraction in any party or event. Taurean woman typically has a rounded body with a thick neck and a broad forehead. She has a beautiful complexion, bright eyes, dark hair, broad shoulders and well-developed muscles. She has a nice, friendly way of communication. Taurean women are very careful about their appearance and need to have a strict diet to attain slimness. They are very careful about their appearance, be it hairstyle, beauty treatments or wearing attractive clothes.

General Nature

Taurean woman is generally very calm by nature. She is able to put up with lot of stress. She has a strong willpower with moral and emotional courage. She is capable of handling any serious problems. She is really dependable and faithful. She has got lots of patience. She is able to withstand great hardship.

Health

Taurean women generally enjoy good health. They are less sensitive to pains. But when they fall ill, the recovery is slow, because they are not cooperative to the doctor due to their stubborn nature. They can suffer from the diseases of throat and lower abdomen such as throat infection, diphtheria, tonsils, colds, constipation, etc. They may also suffer from sore eyes and pimples. For maintaining good health, they need to avoid cold stuffs and increase an intake of green vegetables.

Career

A career that requires social interaction is most suitable for the Taurean women. Since Taurean women lack in originality, they are not able to initiate great plans. They can follow the ideas of others. Due to great organization skills, Taurean women can effectively work in the world of politics and finance. They can be excellent artists, photographers and gardeners.

Love, Romance and Relationship

Taurean women are very romantic when in love and develop a strong emotional bond. Taurean woman can be a loving, caring, romantic partner. But, jealousy can be a severe problem in their relationships. Taurean women are most compatible with the people who belong to signs Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn and Pisces.

Marriage

Generally, Taurean woman takes a long time to select her life partner. Once married, she proves to be a devoted, ideal wife. She is really careful about her husband and children. She is a good homemaker and cook.

Negative Traits

Taurean women are too possessive about their belongings. They are too lazy and have a tendency to live life the easy way. They are somewhat stubborn and lose some good opportunities due to this nature. Being fond of food, they have a tendency to gain weight.

In a nutshell, beautiful, loyal, romantic Taurean women are an ideal friend, romantic lover and caring mother. Their dynamic, pleasant existence can brighten your life.

Great Expectations

I've learnt, time and time again to never put too much expectations on the ones around me. After all, it's true what they say, the higher you built something, the harder it comes crashing down.

I eat

I eat because I'm bored

I eat because I'm angry

I also eat to stop the tears from falling.

Undisclosed Desires

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

 
 
 

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Effed state of mind

Sometimes I'm torn between wanting something so badly and not getting it and running away in the opposite direction if it were on fingertips.

The scariest thing is, I feel the urge to act out and drink myself into oblivion. Live the hedonistic lifestyle. Who cares? Right? No point holding back if I don't know where I'm going...



I just want to escape. Stay in a trance, in a Tiesto rave.

This works

Figured out a way to update the blog while on the go... Watch this space.

Brutal thoughts

So a dear friend has decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon. And me, having kept this little gem to myself, decided to reveal itself.

A little like you show me yours, I show you mine?

....but my what? My D&M thoughts? My silly hot tempered tantrum? Seems like I only write when I feel over emotional. These days when I'm emotional, I tweet. Even then I'm loosing my anonymity.

I digress. Love you, Ms Avatar!

Aunt Estelle

Another milestone - I'm an aunt, a direct aunt. Words cannot describe how I feel. I'm so proud, I'm so happy with the new addition to the family. I'm so happy after a few sad episodes, we finally have a light shining through. Yet I'm sad. He looks like dad, i wonder what dad would say? I ponder how he would react to knowing he is now a grandpa....and how about Ed?!

I had an amazing dream two weeks before the arrival of the baby boy. At that time, we didn't know the sex of of the baby, keeping it a surprise, they say. In my dream, i saw a baby boy, who looked like Ed, my brother who passed away years ago. As I happily played with the happy baby (I like happy babies), it dawned on me that Ed is no longer around, so this is yet another dream.

So I looked up at him and say, but how can this happen? Is this your baby? He never replied, but smiled and edge away for me to see someone standing in the background. I saw my SIL (who was pregnant at that time) and then again, i realise that he's trying to tell me the baby's a boy!

I woke up so happy, telling the man of my dream. He is pretty much used to my visions and was amazed that we are having a boy for a nephew rather than anything else. Over the next few days, I shared my dream with my closest friends, and even mum. Then i figured that I better shut my trap, just in case it's just another dream.

And it really is to be. Baby Z came into the world 31 August 2009.

Taking chances

How often do you take chances?

I was wistfully pondering over this question. Seven years ago, life was free and easy and stress means handing over the assignments in time and passing the exams. Money miraculously appears in the bank account and 5 tequila shots at the Uni Bar night guarantees you a good time.

Today....?

We live is such materialistic world. Where the unwritten rules of normalcy dominates how we live. How we look, What we wear, and even how we go on holidays. When will the madness stop, when will we start living?

Lyrics | Lily Allen lyrics

Against All Odds....

I've quit.

Four short months into the new role and i've decided to quit. Why? And especially during these times, why? I blame it on my pride. I blame it on the fact that I refuse to be treated like a work mule. Even more, I'm making a statement. Work for me or I won't work for you!

So it's day one of being "in between" jobs.....I was so looking forward to having a break and here's my chance!

Now if only i could get over my paranoia of being jobless forever....


btw. No regrets!