Do your own homework!

Bridezilla rant *on*

Dear girl,

Love you to bits but can you, for f&ck sake get your act together and do your own homework? I'm really happy you've found Mr Right, even more that he propose. God knows how happy I am that we are able to share such happy moments in our life....but...

It's bad enough you decided to go with my photographer, even though you knew she is my photographer. Seriously? Who does that? Can you be a little bit more original?

Then you got us to meet up for breakfast, under false pretences. Felt as though you were trying to squeeze us for our supplier list. You put us in such uncomfortable situation, I felt paranoid that you were just there to gather "intelligence".

I hate that I have to get up to the point where I can't reveal who my suppliers are, or fake ignorance.

Well, I can't wait till we can actually kick back and enjoy each others company again, because frankly, at this rate, I don't want to see you until you get your shit sorted.

Love,
The more organised bride.

Bridezilla rant *off*

...Yes, I'm calling this a bridezilla post. It seems so trivial, to be upset over such little things in the grand scheme of life. But I can't help being upset! I can't help but feel as though my ideas are being stolen, right from under my nose. All the hard work, all the contacts....

....that never happened

After all the fanfare, the engagement shoot was called off due to poor weather.

I was gutted!

Yes, it was raining the entire day, but we thought it'd clear come sunset.

There were lots of umm'ing and ahh'ing with the photographer and makeup artist during midday, but after looking at the rain radar, Mr Other Half and I decided to go ahead, figuring that a little rain might actually be...romantic!

Unfortunately by 3pm, the photographer decided against the shoot, perhaps she didn't want to take any chances.  But by then, we'd bought our props (flowers and cupcakes), and I was already getting my hair and makeup done!

Mr Other Half event spent a couple of hours picking up cupcakes and playing florist while I was away!

4pm, and the weather was clearing up.

Just as Mr Other Half and I thought, grey skies would clear up! See the ray of light? It was all clear throughout sunset. which would have been perfect for a shoot!

How disappointing...

I'm trying to be positive, but I'm always irked when I can't kill two birds with one stone - get my makeup and hair done AND a photo shoot. Coulda, Woulda, SHOULDA!!!

...but on a positive note, my makeup and hair was perfect! The artist was not only professional, but also very nice! I felt like a princess, and can't wait for everyone to see them at the wedding. We even had time to try 4 hairstyles, take pictures of them and I can now take my time to decide which one I'd like on the BIG DAY.

We've rescheduled for a 7am shoot next month. Will be doing the sun dance until then.

Engagement shoot

I can't remember the last time I took a day off work, for something that's not holiday related. Today's a big day for me, it's a milestone!

I'm getting my hair and makeup trial done today to coincide with our engagement shoot. Me! I don't even know what veil i'd be wearing or if i'd like my hair up or down on that day.

Getting a hair and makeup done is so...final! Eeeep!

Also, been spending the past month stressing out over the engagement shoot - who would have thought props for a one/two hour shoot would cause so much stress?

Wish me luck!

Insomniac

Nobody ever tells you the hidden perils of wedding planning. The panic and anxiety of wanting THE wedding, of wanting a wedding that is absolutely unique to you and him.

And defining what makes you, you!

I'm want a wedding that's special, not only to me and him, but to all our guests.

Am I asking for too much?

I've been having many sleepless nights, worrying of crap like that. I don't know if it's entirely attributed to wedding planning - apparently being on diet does that to you.

....ok again

And just like that I'm ok again.

I have faith in the boy and myself, nobody can replicate our relationship and who we are.

And certainly not gonna sweat over the small stuff.

You don't have to stand out to be special.... and that's really us, in essence.

We're us :)

Why!?

One of my bridesmaids, who is getting married a month after me will be booking with the same photographer. MY PHOTOGRAPHER.

I am so dismayed. Why would anyone do that, especially with the circumstances? Our weddings are so close, and the photographer already doing mine?

:(

Fretting at 2am

The first few weeks when we got engaged, I was constantly awake in the wee hours of the morning, stressing over the venue, photographers, videographers and stylist. It was all about having choices, and making the right decision.

...I've been really lucky, being able to lock in my favourite (at a costly prize). 

I've had a good sleep for the past month, so why am I stressing out now? I'm a little disturbed that my suppliers haven't engaged me since. It's that lack of communication that's bothering me. Yes I need to be assured that they would engage us as a couple - how else can they capture us in action, getting married?

Maybe I am bridezilla. After all, the wedding's 7 months away...

RIP Whitney

I've made many remarks in the past, about how we all see it coming, how she publicly struggled with drugs.

But the saddest thing is to know is that she didn't die of it after all. And just when life was getting a little better from the many volatile years ago.

Found the dress, now what?

I'd like to say I'm a fairly chilled out bride. It's 7 months out and I've got most of the important stuff sorted. 

1. Wedding reception venue(s) - check
2. Photographer(s) - check
3. Videographer - check
4. Church - check
5. Gown - check
6. Church - check
7. Makeup and hair - check!

I pretty much spent the last month losing weight. (9kgs gone, 4 to go - wooooo hoooo!)

My next big project is THE engagement shoot. Wish me luck!

7 down, 5 to go

Miss Piggy was my breaking point. After waking up in sweat at the thought of being a fat bride with massive back cleavage, I vowed to get into shape, to be in the best shape of my life. After all, if I don't do something about this now, at this time in my life, when will I ever have the chance?

Today I am 7 kgs lighter than I was 5 weeks ago. Went on a 4-week Dukan diet, with one week break (being on holidays). I feel like one of those "after" models, holding up my fat pants. I never thought I'd ever get here! I've never felt this healthy my entire life.

I'm feeling really good, it's so tempting to shout this great achievement of mine from the rooftop. But I guess modesty is key, isn't it? 5 more kgs and I shall indulge and celebrate.

Loving it!

First wedding gown trial

Last Saturday, I did something I've been dreading.

I went to try wedding gowns.  No biggie there, didn't feel "emotional" at all. Instead, i tried ball gowns, princess cuts, mermaid cuts, one shoulder, straps, strapless, sleeves and no sleeve. In fact, I had so much fun I thought that perhaps I'm one of those lucky ones who do not succumb to emotions.

..I spoke too soon. Turned into an emotional wreck at night. I could think about is how much I'm missing my brother and dad. 

:(

Sigh.

Set the date, set the date!

What an immense relief.  After weeks of stressing and looking, we've finally decided on the wedding venues. Most importantly, the date! We've set the date!

The countdown begins!

Gotta loose weight....stat!

While furiously researching about the oversea wedding (yes I will be having two wedding reception), it occurred to me that I would have a limited time frame to loose the 10 kgs that I envision before dress fittings and pre-wedding photos. 

...Eep.

Or the wedding photos might look a little something like this...

Angst (and hurray for the blogger app)

I'm angry. There, I've said it. Just when I'm about to fade into an old, content (and almost unrecognisable) lady, my teenage angst emerges.

- I'm angry I never got the say on when events in my life should happen.
- I'm angry that even though things are seemingly falling into place, I feel as alone as ever.
- I'm angry and am tired of waiting.
- I'm angry I don't have an outlet to vent, that I can't even drink or smoke or act out. Even Twitter is reduced to cryptic 140 rants, with increasing "friend" followers.

Gone were the days I could just express myself and be anonymous.

So thank fuck for the Blogger app. I'm back!

Yes!

He proposed. On the 3rd of October 2011, he finally popped the question. No romantic speech, no big romantic lead up. A verbal vomit on Mission Beach, Qld , on the first night of our vacay.

It was a sweet gesture. And its at a beautiful setting - on the balcony of our beach front getaway. And he picked the perfect ring. What more can I ask? I am so blessed.

Yearning....

People who know me would find it hard to believe, but I think I'm there. I've lost a few years.... a few years of living in a smog, partying up a storm, I think I'm there.  After being in a 8-year relationship, I think there is a need for an affirmation of some sort. Perhaps it's my biological clock ticking, or me slowing down, or simply just growing up, I want so much more in my life...

I feel like I'm wasting away, waiting....and there are moments I feel I'm being taken for granted.  Yet, have I any choice? I never want to be the one who gives the ultimatum. I can't say anything. I'm gagged. I'm stuck. 

...and there's a niggling feeling, a fear of growing old and being played....

 

Halloween

I have a thirst. A thirst I can't seem to quench....

Happy Halloween! Is it just me, or are people getting more and more into "it"?

I don't remember much of Halloween in my childhood, just the occassional party. My only memory of "dressing up" for a halloween party was wearing a witches' hat one year. That's it. But, hey, we sure as well made up for it the past few years!

In fact, in almost every party the last few years!

I try to steer away from drama genre movies, especially the ones about someone dying from cancer.
The pain is just too fresh, too painful.

But today I got cheated into watching one. Damn it. I hate "The Last Song".
:(

food I live for

Had my wisdom teethe extracted a couple of days ago. While I certainly don't feel any different on an intellectual level (get it? get it?) I realise one important thing. There is a reason why I am never ever going to be skinny. I love food. Oh the agony of not being able to eat. I can only have that much soup.

Oh and another thing. Hungry me = grumpy me.

Choking

Awww man, woke up with a horrible sense of dread. Had another one of those nightmares again. Please.Let this be what it really should be. A nightmare. That's it. Please.