5 weeks and mum leaves

Mum went home today. After 7 weeks of being here, she has finally left to go home. You'd think I'd be happy - after all the fights, arguments and whinging that we had to endure.... But far from it. I miss my mummy!

Got a little teary at the airport as she left and spent the rest of the day emotional and in tears. We always clash, we have our differences. But at the end of the day I know mum loves me, she just has the strangest way of showing it. And I truly appreciate all the things she has done the past 7 weeks. She made sure I was well fed, had enough sleep and even taught us a few things about minding the baby.

I feel a little sad that we always end up saying hurtful things to each other. I know I regret saying some things and I am fairly sure she does too, perhaps we are too alike in some manner.

I am so used to life with baby with my mum around. Now I have to be on my own. Well I used to be alone, it's just that I now have a baby to care. How terrifying is that? How am I going to cook, clean, eat and use the bathroom while caring for baby K, who has yet to sleep on her own in the bassinet?

I am petrified. I am lonely.

Rain on my parade

Had such a wonderful day up to this point. Made a spontaneous trip out to the shops and conquered my fear of going out with baby. Mum and I put baby in the car, went to the shops and shopped, got my hair washed and blow dried and then back home.

Then evening came and I cracked it. I absolutely lost my patience and cussed at my mom. Told her I can't wait for Sunday when she leaves and that I've had enough. It wasn't just me, she said some things in the horrible exchange.

Mothers. I have never had a smooth relationship with my one. There has always been favoritism when I was young (when she openly admitted her preference over my brother to a neighbour). Then there are the countless times she openly called me names, and god knows how many times she has said the most hurtful things. That mothers don't usually say to their children.

I can only pray I don't turn into her in the future. Well no. I am determind to NOT be her! My relationship with my daughter will not be one of hurt and unhappiness, or lack of communication or expression.

I don't know where I'm getting at. Perhaps I wished I kept my cool and not say what I truly felt earlier. But I think I have been doing well in containing myself over the past 6 weeks and there is only so much one can take.

One month old and a birth story

Baby K is one month old today. Truly a special occasion as we reflect and look back at this special one month. It sure has been challenging, and in fact I am going through an unsettled sleep period the past two days but come daylight, the look on her face is enough to melt my heart.

Baby's grown a fair bit. She's chubbier, happier and a little more interactive (she smiles sometimes and I'm fairly sure she is beginning to coo). She's feeding like a champion, and i hope within the next two weeks will sleep like a champion too.

To mark this special day, here's her long awaited birth story. One that I will cherish forever and ever. and ever.

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7 July 2013

3am : checked into the Mater Hospital. Was immediately led to a delivery suite and examined by the midwife. Was 3 cm dilated and was left to have a sleep and to be examined in a few hours.

8am :  No progress and the waters have yet to break even though I have contractions 5 mins apart. My usual OBGYN was on leave, so his partner was there examining me. He suggested that we break the waters to speed things up. I reluctantly agreed (was afraid of the pain). Surprisingly though the waters breaking did not hurt at all – It is a strange feeling to have a gush of warm water flowing out! Not so soon after the contractions began intensify and hurt a lot more.

From then to 11am, I was in active “Labour”. Boy, now I know what it truly means to be in labour. It was horrid! I was using breathing techniques at first but then the pain got too intense. The midwife suggested gas, which I promptly accepted! The gas only worked for a short while though. Got a little too woozy and wasn’t standing straight which worried Twitchy immensely.

11am :  The OBGYN examined me and  found that I had only dilated by another cm! Which was not quick enough. The thought of another few hours of labour was enough to reduce me to tears. So I asked for Epidural, and the OBGYN and midwife suggested that I get the hormone drip to speed things up. Which I agree.

The Anaesthetist came by and immediately got me sorted with Epidural. It wasn’t as scary as I thought as I was pretty much out of it! I felt a small prick on my back and that was it. I reckon the contractions were heaps more painful!

The relief was immediate – I was able to joke and  hold a conversation. And I fell asleep shortly after.

1:30pm : Woke up to  the midwife coming back to check on me, and in walked MY OBGYN with her. He was on leave but came back in to deliver my baby (along with 3 others in the delivery suite. What a relief. I didn’t mind the other guy but it’s nice to know that the person who has been seeing me through the pregnancy will b delivering the baby! He examined me and found that I was already fully dilated. Which meant I went from 4cm to 11cms within the one hour! He then says we’ll alright to go but will wait for baby to come further down the birth canal and for us to rest. He’ll be back to deliver later in the afternoon.

So Twitchy and I spent the rest of the afternoon reading and sleeping (him reading, me sleeping).

4:30pm : in walks my OBGYN and midwife and it’s showtime. In three pushes, and with the help of the suction, baby was out! I didn’t feel any pain at all, thanks to the epidural. But definitely some pressure to help me push!

He told Twitchy to reach down and twitchy felt baby’s head. And then told me to reach out as well. I felt her arm. Then he told us to pull….and we pulled baby out and on to my chest!

4:56pm : Hello baby! What a magical moment to have baby on my chest, in my arms. Baby K hardly cried. She spend the first few moments staring at both Twitchy and I and snuggled up on my chest.  She was able to breastfeed within the hour and poop the next!

4 weeks

Bethany was 4 weeks old yesterday. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks already! 4 weeks also mark the end of my confinement and Bethany's first full moon( full month). In true blue tradition, we threw a small celebration and had family and friends over on Saturday. I kept the group to a very small number. I really didn't want to overwhelm baby with too many unfamiliar faces.

The "party" was a success. I only had 4 friends, and 4 family members.  Even then the two grandmothers were occupied and hogged the baby the entire time. I got to hang out with friends and chat.

The best part of the celebration? The food! Got the traditional stuff catered. Mmmm yum

And of course there were macaroons :)

Back to Bethany, my baby has grown so quickly this month. Even every other day, when Twitchy and I look at baby, we get surprised by how much she's grown. Getting really sentimental here!

Mum leaves in a week, which means I will be left alone to care for baby AND fend for myself! I am so nervous about this but I guess I should learn to be independent! ( well I was independent before the past 6 weeks when she came and took over our life and baby's arrival....)

Mum and I don't always get along but I know she has good intentions and she looked after her baby (me) while I looked after my new baby. It's never easy crossing generational gaps and  coming over to a foreign land to do it. So I will forever be grateful. Sheesh, getting a little emotional here.

Next post - how I ventured out into the sun for the first time in a month!

3 weeks + 2 days

We've past the 3 week mark! And with that brings new challenges.

I find that in week 1 and 2, it was a constant struggle for me. Between sleep deprivation, hormones, recovering from labour, and being new parents - my nerves were on the edge. Everyday is a challenge and I worry that I'm the only one in the world experience my sleep drama/baby sleep challenges/ baby blues/baby feeding dramas. All I can say is thank god for mummy friends - my friends who are already mummies - and have experienced the same thing.

Every week I gain a little more experience. I wish i knew in week 1 what I know in week 2, it would have lessen my anxiety. Likewise now, what I didn't know last week!

Baby K is sleeping well these days on our bed. Our biggest challenge? Her being gassy and having a bit of a reflux while feeding. She arches her neck and back, then unlatches and cries. And hiccoughs. And spits some milk. Post feeding she takes a while to settle.

...I just have to ride past this challenge!

Day 17

So much for the reprieve in my last post. Monday, 22 July was one of the toughest day for me. Twitchy went back to work, which left me feeling a little lonely. Yes I had mum and aunt around but I still feel lonely. Felt as though Twitchy was my one true support. So needless to say I wasn't in the Best of mood when I got up with baby k at 9 am.

True enough, by 10 am have had a full blown argument with mum AND aunt about parenting skills. Aunt says I'm hormonal (which yes I think I am, too) but they provoked me first! It's a generational thing, I suppose. It all stemmed from mum putting baby asleep in the corner of the bassinet! Big no no for SIDS. She refused to listen to my rationale then my aunt says I am overreacting. 

I got so upset I told them to shut it and leave me alone. Haven't really spoken to them since.

....was I hormonal? Yes. Was I overreacting? Maybe. But was my concern justified? Yes! Anyway. Spent the next few days not talking much. Needed to conserve energy to care for baby. I CBF picking fights or making conversations. ( that was how exhausted I am!)

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Today I am feeling positive. I now weigh 56.1 kg, have lost a little more than 50% of my pregnancy weight and the tummy is fast shrinking. The stretch marks are still there but hopefully is fading...

And the best feeling? Is that baby is finally ok sleeping on her own on our bed. The past two nights we clocked in at least 6 hours pernight. Which is a huge win. Baby has also started to nap on the pram bassinet during the day. Short naps. But enough for me to run off and shower, and do little things that makes me feel human again!

It's days like these that gives me hope. Hopefully this will be somewhat of a routine....

Baby K is two weeks...and a reprieve

After having such a low day, today is shaping up to be a good one. I feel relaxed. I feel rested ( well not really, but well). Baby is feeding and sleeping well.

And today marks 2 weeks since baby K came into our lives! I can't express how volatile it has been. The emotional rollercoaster, the anxiety, the waterworks, the sleep deprivation! But it all goes away momentarily every time I gaze at her face. My love.

Low low low

Nobody told me abt feeling low when you have a tiny miny me dependant on you for all their needs. Feeling low because I feel trapped. Can't leave home, can't enjoy some sun.... Can't even eat what I want!

Baby k  hates being put down to sleep. She cries every time I put her down, no matter how tired she is! I feel depressed:(

...but I also feel lot of love for this tiny human being. God give me strength to cope and be a good mom.

Hard boobs and sleep

Woke up with hard boobs today, it's day 10. I guess milk is well and truly here! Baby K had another one of her crazy cluster feeding moments last night and fed for 4 hours! I was so exhausted towards the end of the night....

Today Twitchy and I decided to experiment and try putting Baby K to sleep in our pram bassinet. Since baby K hates her bassinet, we thought we'd try another one. And it seems to work. She's been asleep for an hour now. Would it be premature to celebrate?

9 days later....

I now weigh 57.1kg, which is a weight loss of 6.2kg since the birth oh baby K! No exercise needed, just day-to-day life adapting to baby. Which of course, included lots of stress, tears, stamina and fatigue!

I am eating well. If you could call a diet of ginger that. Following Chinese confinement is such a pain! I understand some of the rationale, but some other aspects are just plain nonsense. My biggest complain is the food ( I think it's got to do w the fact that my cater has no idea how to vary their cooking), drink ( imagine not being able to drink water when breastfeeding) or showering and washing hair. 

Yesterday I felt low. Like I had no control in my life. Bad enough my routine revolves around baby- but to not be able to eat/ drink what I want or even shower? That nearly killed me.

After a good cry.... I decided to cheat. Drink lots of water in the bedroom & sneak a shower in the morning in the ensuite. Hah! I felt better already. Take that u stupid confinement!

Update : Baby K had her weight checked today too. The midwife gave her a clean bill of health. And Baby K surpassed expectations, she surpassed her birth weight and gain some more! 

Today is working out to be a good day! 😅

Baby K's first week highlights

Dear Baby K,

I feel like I need to document every minute of the first week of your life here. But time is running out. Any moment now you will wake up and demand a feed! So I better be quick....

Day 1 - 8/7

High on adrenalin! Can't believe baby is here! 

She also had an long sleep, from 7am to 1pm. I thought it was because she was a good baby but I think it maybe just her being a sleepy newborn. 

Baby wouldn't stop feeding in the afternoon and way into the night. She was hungry. Sucking really weakly so resorted to formula to supplement hunger. Also sent her to the nursery as I was in a pretty bad state- exhaustion and pain from labour.

Day 2 - 9/7

After a nightmare of night, I woke up in good spirits and ready to take on the challenges. Also just occurred to me that I should take everyday at a time.

Went to classes at the hospital which also helped assured that we are on track and that we are not alone with the problems.

Had a pretty good night with me feeding baby every 2 hours to make sure she is not too hungry

Day 3 - 10/7

Baby's a little jaundiced so I'm continuing to ensure that baby is hydrated, well fed and have wet nap pies!

Restless night. Baby supplemented with 2 doses of formula to help her sleep. 

Right on schedule, baby blues hit. A condition that's associated with the breast finally producing milk and release of pregnancy hormones. Sure wasn't pleasant as I turn into a blubbery mess! Probably didn't help that twitchy wasn't allowed to stay in the hospital throughout the entire duration. 

Day 4 - 11/7

Hep B vaccination and discharge weight was 2.772kg! A healthy weight as baby has not lost much from the past few days.

Discharged from hospital and our first night home!

I didn't cope very well leaving the hospital. Feels as though I'm leaving safe grounds and about to embark in the dangerous world on my own! Baby K was put in the car capsule and started crying which made me cry too! She stopped within a minute or two but my waterworks continue untill I got home!

Day 5 - 12/7

It's Twitchy's birthday! We're still struggling a little with routine but I'm beginning to get the hang of things. It's really comfortable being at home, compared to the hospital. I'm getting lots of support from all mummy friends by sharing experiences, advices and reassurances. Thank god for mothers! Speaking of which, grandma has been helpful with cooking and cleaning. We don't always get along but I a, forever grateful she is looking out for her baby who is looking after a baby now....

We celebrated  Twitchy's birthday with cake in the evening!

Baby's umbilical cord fell off during a nappy change - that was quick!

Day 6 - 13/7

Opa,Oma and Sil came over for lunch, which was quite nice. It's actually nice to have a conversation w family. 

We had the best night sleep tonight. I am resigned to the fact that baby's only been here for 6 days so there is no such thing as being spoiled! So baby sleeps on my chest. We clock in a record of 5 hours sleep with a feed & diaper change in between.

Day 7 - 14/7

Today! Today I am so much more comfortable than I have been in days. 

My body sores have lessen, anxiety level has dropped off and am no longer too stressed over things not being done. 

Baby K actually laughs and smiles in her sleep when she doesn't even do it in real life! It's amazing...

Twitchy and Grandma have gone out this afternoon to shop, so it's baby and I on the couch! Loving it.

Immense love

One week on and baby K and I are slowly adapting to life, to each other, and being at home!

I am trying to savour every moment I have with baby, after all, they don't always stay a newborn. And this being my firstborn......sure is special! I remember my labour. 3 pushes and the doctor got me to reach out (or down) for Baby K! 

It's a special moment that Twitchy and I will remember forever. Baby K  freshly born on my chest, she hardly cried. Instead she had her eyes wide open and stared at us. Tears just streamed down my face at that moment. I remember turning to Twitchy and say that we've just created perfection. 

At this time last week

I can't believe at this time last week baby was still kicking away inside of me. I was deeply uncomfortable, and was having contractions 5 mins apart! I remember jumping into the shower, thinking that it'll not be long before we need to head to the hospital....

Baby K is 6 days old

Can't believe baby K is already 6 days old! I've been wanting to write her birth story but I hardly have time to even use the toilet, let alone write.

There are so many things I'd like to do but taking a nap is the top of my list when baby naps. I am now averaging a total of 3-4 hours of sleep( this is a cumulation of all the broken sleep throughout the day and night.

How do I feel? Sometimes like a filthy animal. Make it a cow, since I seem to be feeding baby 8-10 times a day!

I have had plenty of moments over the past few days. I really want to record them and remember them forever ( and maybe someday I'd look back and laugh).

Baby K is growing so fast. Her look changes; one day she looks like me, next day she looks more like dad. Latest development? Her umbilical cord dropped off on day 5! That was quick!!! I thought they don' t drop till a week or two?!

Please don't grow too quickly baby, let me savour every moment I have with you.

Baby K

Baby K arrived at 4:56pm on 7/7!

Who would have thought that Twitchy and I could have created perfection?

To the hospital or not?

I keep waiting for my dramatic sign to get to the hospital. Been having contractions every 5-7 minutes at 40 seconds each time. It's uncomfortable, but I don't feel severely in pain! Hmmmmm the dilemma.

Sleepless nights

All throughout pregnancy I've had really good sleep. But for the past few nights i've been a night owl. Come 1:45am my eyes would open. And not go back to sleep until 4-5am.

What a pain!

And it's crucial timing too. Considering these would be the last few nights before baby arrives!

40 weeks today

We're due today!

What did I do? Lots, even though I had crappy sleep last night. Walked to the shops with mum and had coffee and then a bit of a walk around the neighbourhood. It was good morning for a walk. When we got home, we continued exploring my building and the street parallel to time.

After a bit of a rest - watching a drama series, we went to the mall for lunch.

While we were walking at the mall I felt a little funny. Like a twinge of something. (What can I say, I'm quite intuitive when it comes to my body!). Went to the toilet to check, but nothing.

It's close to bedtime, and I definitely think something's up. Like I'm leaking. Whether this is something to be excited about, we shall see!

Like a child

My mother is like a child. All she ever does is to complain and nag. She constantly complains about the weather but what does she wear? A t shirt at home and opens all the doors. She complains about the lack of sunlight but wouldn't go out for a walk under the sun. And when we're finally out she complains about the ray of sun light , how it's too bright.

Oh god. 

So the 5 hours were spent out at an Asian grocery store, where she bought things that we already have. Then lunch. Then a bit of a walk. And if that's not enough I took her to Luna Park for a stroll and ice cream. Only then she was a little happier.

I think I have already demonstrated super strength today by being patient and accommodating. I have been out for 5 hours. My back hurts, I am exhausted from the lack of sleep last night. And I have not snapped at her. But boy, I'm so damn tired. 

Name me a 40-week pregnant lady who not only has to endure pregnancy but also the stress and exhaustion of minding a 60 year old child....

39 weeks + 5

It's July, it's July!

After 9 days of rain, the first day of July brought a ray of sunshine. Which is very much welcomed here. I was going nuts trying to figure out how to entertain mum and also to figure out ways to exercise and stretch my legs. Geez, being heavily pregnant and restricted is sure no fun. Some people find joy in just eating and sleeping but I just can't do it! I'd love to walk, sight see and watch movies! Added to stress is mum being here. Mum who is not too independant and not adventurous on her own - which means, I struggle to keep her entertained.

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How far along? 39 weeks + 5 days

Total weight gain/loss: I haven't dared to weigh myself for a while. All I know is that I have been eating a fair bit and my little low tummy is not so little anymore!

Maternity clothes? Yes! Wearing the same old outfits day in and out. Decided that i'll just wear hoodies and jumpers and lots of scarf rather than buying new coats. Also tracky daks and dressing gown when i'm home. I like wearing my fitted long sleeve tops to show off the bump!

Stretch marks? Yes :( Right on 38 weeks the stretch marks appear. It's low on the tummy so I'm guessing because baby dropped. It's was a little upsetting but I've resigned to it and am repeating to myself that i should be thankful i only started getting them late in pregnancy!

Symptoms: 2 nights of sleeplessness and carrying low. There are still occasions when I get breathless and can't get comfortable. Other than that I'm feeling good!

Sleep:  Occasional sleeplessness. I'd say every other night as I'm getting a little more uncomfortable now. Baby's pretty active at night too.

Best moment these 2 weeks: Now that mum is here, I find relief when hubby is home. He helps to offload the pressure and takes control of things, which I truly treasure.

Have you told family and friends: Yes! Actively posting on Instagram :)

Miss Anything? Sashimi these days. And being slim and not being squashed. Walking and running!

Movement: Baby is head down and engaged! At my last appointment the doctor says she is still even lower. Which i already knew. I can feel her when i walk sometimes. Thankfully I am not waddling yet! She is also moving a little bit more!

Food cravings: Since my last post, I had my durian. It was heavenly! Nothing much otherwise, perhaps fruits?


Anything making you queasy or sick: Still the smell of cooking meat :( Mum has taken over the cooking duties. Thankfully she is mindful of my aversions and has stuck to steamed/boiled food.

Baby is a: GIRL!

Belly Button in or out? Half in and out? hehe! 


Wedding rings on or off? On. Doesn't look like my finger are going to swell.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy today because the sun is shining! Been a little moody as I struggle to  adapt to mum being around.

Looking forward to: Baby being here. Any day now - it's 2 days to due date but I doubt she'd be on time. But don't take too long baby, wouldn't want you to overcook!