Valentines Day, Schmalentines Day!

I Valentines Day. Twitchy aka Mr Corn Ball and I have long celebrated every and Any ocassion there is. Celebrate us, celebrate birthdays, Christmas and Etc. 

But with Baby K in tow and with a tight budget... Romantic dinners and expensive celebrations are a thing past. But the corniness is still alive!

And....... The ugliest cake we've ever made...

Simple yet sweet. 😍

Fun & Joy | 21 Months

We are a little past 21 months but I feel like I should note it somewhere. Today Baby K blew her nose. I am dumbfounded. Who is this kid? How does she know how to do that?

Being able to blow her own nose is quite a game changer. After the many many bouts of cold and flu.....this would be a huge relief!

Apart from this new trick, Baby K's conversation skills are expanding day by day. She now says...

Oh my goodness ( with hand gestures)

Come on mummy ( with hand gestures)

Adjectives such as "big"" funny"

Water first, then food

Doggie, where are you?

She is also quite a singer. She can happily sing most of the nursery rhymes on her own.

Omg. What is happening with my child?

Full heart | 19 months

Weird title but there is no other way to describe it. My heart is so filled with love these days. Baby K is a bundle of fun. She now talks ( night night daddy, don't know, bless you...) and the things she say makes me laugh all the time.

She speaks so well and pronounciation is way above her peers. Best of all, we actually had full blown conversations! Didn't think it would happen so soon but I guess with all the drama and worries we went through the past 1.5 years, here's our silver lining. The light at the end of the tunnel.

I am content. I am loving life. Thank you God for giving us a break. 

Summer days

Apart from the "hiccup", summer has been good. I love my little family - Twitchy, Baby K and I. All we did was going to the beach, to the pool, to the playground....it has been blissful.

We've also hit a turning point with baby K, who is now thriving. 18 months and co sleeping the past month has done wonders. Baby K sleeps well at night, naps 2 hours a day and best of all....eating. FINALLY EATING!

As a result, Baby K is filling up a fair bit and has grown into a toddler. She is now finally solid and not vulnerable. Chatty and not whingy. And one cheeky monster!

Loving it. Hopefully good days are here to stay....

The Grinch who killed my Xmas this year

Totally not feeling it this year. Thanks to you. 

Because I can't fight back or talk back as I like - here's my vent. I hope you are happy living your selfish life and bullying everyone into submission. Pride would be your biggest downfall and I hope I don't jump with glee when it finally happens. Just pray your other half is always with you because that's pretty much the only person who is kind enough to put up with your shit for the past 30 plus years. Oh and the dogs too.

The end.

... Now back to gritting my teeth and smiling.

Could definitely do with a cigarette.

17 months and we're walking!

Baby K chose to start walking on one day short of being 17 months! It was indeed exciting and happened at the playground. Unfortunately for Twitchy he missed it but the videos made up for it. 

It's been a long time coming.

We felt it as both Twitchy and I had sore backs from holding her hand when she needed assistance walking. 

We also had a mother group gathering and it was a lot fun looking at all of Baby K's friends who were born almost the same time as her. 

 

Oh my

How time has flown by. Unfortunately B is the smallest of the pack. We're seeing lots of specialist these days. Will write about it in another entry.

Growing vocabulary

Amidst all my worry about baby k not walking, or eating or sleeping well, the little one has an amazing vocabulary and comprehension!

Here's a list of what I can think of at the moment.

Hi

Hello

Ta ( thank you)

Please

More

More please

Dog

Woof woof

Cat 

Meow

Duck

Cow

Moo

Quack

Rice

Water

Mummy

Daddy

Po po 

Bubble

Tree

Horse 

Pou ( carry)

Nana ( banana)

Nani ( sultanas)

Cheese

Milk milk

Rice

Bird 

Cheers

Truck

Hair

Nose

Can sing:

Hot potato

Rockabye bear

Row row row your boat

Baa baa black sheep

Twinkle twinkle

The wheels on the bus

Miss Polly had a dolly

Memoirs of my life

This blog, in many ways, is a memoir of my life. A snippet of who and how I'm feeling at a point in time. 

Take today, for example. I'm a SAHM. Stay At Home Mum. 

I still can't really believe it. Never thought I'd be one as I've always been career driven. Used to turn my nose up at people who quit their job and be a homemaker. Weak, i used to think - why else would a woman give up her career for the family? That is, all pre-baby. 

How different you view life and priorities when baby comes along....All of a sudden, all the money and career in the world means nothing when Baby is constantly sick from daycare or when you and your partner is constantly stressed and wondering who can stay home to care of bubs. Or what's for dinner, of if the house is clean, washing needs to be done AND try to excel at work.

Is there ever such thing?

i digress.

15 months | and then some

My little darling is 15 months, and growing so quickly. She is incredibly smart and can speak very clearly. She is also turning into a toddler - which means she is her own little person and has her own will.

We've just come out from a very rough bout of sickness. Two weeks of flu, fever and cough (both of us) and conjunctivitis (for her). Two weeks of no sleep, clingy hell and poor spirits. But I think we are finally coming out of it. I hope...

--------------------------------------------------------

Growth :

A little over 8kgs and still a small baby. I still worry, especially when she's not eating...

Sleep:

Back in sleep hell. Last two weeks she couldn't sleep as she could hardly breathe. Kept waking up and would only sleep in my arms. I hardly slept too. And as a result, fell ill and is having a slow recovery...
We're on the waiting list to get into Tressillian stay.

Eat : 
Picky picky eater much to my dismay. She isn't keen to try new food and would only have very simple food. She apparently eats well at daycare and has a variety of veggies and meat but not at home. I truly wish she would have a more balanced meal but to no avail. I just have to persevere  and keep trying!
Thankful for : her love of fruits and biscuits.

Milestones :

She says : Mummy Daddy Dog Bird Milk Please Ta (thank you) More Cheese Bubble Hi Hello Bye
She refers to everything else as "Mek" and points to it.
She started crawling at 12 months and is one speedy crawler!
She is cruising (holding on to furniture and walking) - no sigh of walking yet though :(
She can sing along to "Miss Polly","Hot Potato","Rockabye Bear","Incy Wincy Spider","Twinkle Star","Row your boat","Baa black sheep"
She likes to hold on to my hair. Kinda obsessed with it.
She likes pointing at dogs and birds
She can tell me what the dog/cat/sheep/cow says.
She can climb up the couch on her own!
She knows what she wants and can usually point to whatever it is, or where to go. 
She is quick to say no if she doesn't like something or pushes it away.
She is obsessed with bubbles, and would spend a long time at bath just to play with them.

Clothes: 
We're 0's and going to 1. She is grown in height but i'd love for her to put on a bit more weight.

Physical developments:
Good hair growth, hopefully would be able to tie them or put a ribbon on in 2 months!
Eczema's back and she's been having flare-ups. Which was worst when she fell sick :(

New Adventure - SAHM

A month ago I finally cracked and quit my job. I could go on and on about the reasons why but I'm just going to summarised to bullet points.

• I had a sneaky colleague and a nasty new boss. Who were relentless and were more interested in stepping on everyone else to get on top, and not in a nice manner either.
• Twitchy has also quit his job and is now in a startup company. His hours are erratic, which means he is unable to help with daycare drop-offs and pick ups. He is also most likely going to be travelling in the future too.
• Baby K is still not sleeping through the night. We are constantly sick.
• Although Baby K seem to love the carers at daycare, she always looks tired when we pick her up. And her eczema would flare up quite badly.We'd apply cream but same thing happens everyday.
• Baby K is just not thriving. She seems happy and ok but I feel like i am not doing enough for her well being. To nourish her with food and love.

At first i had intended to find another job nearby and possibly go part time but after a month, Twitchy and I agree - we will reduce the days that Baby K is at day care and I will be the homemaker. Twitchy's career is on the verge of taking off and we want him to focus so I would help keep the household running.

Will this work? I don't know.

Will I be happy in the long run? I don't know.

Will I regret this? I doubt it.

At the end of the day, nothing else hurts more when I see my baby being so tired. Sick and unhappy.

So here's to motherhood and the (life) career we put on hold while we care for the little one.

13 months plus | Toddling along

I can't believe I missed the birthday blog. Will definitely write about it soon.

So much for good sleep. It was all good untill Baby K fell sick and pretty much have been sick since. The past few nights I had to sleep with her. On a single bed! Life, oh life. She's been sick for almost two months now. Cold, phlegm, flu in the early days and cough. Geez. As a result she hasn't been eAting and drinking much.... When we had her 12 month check up a few days ago( yes we are super late), her weight growth has declined :(

I have a picky eater! God help me. 

In other news, I have quit my job. Some once said, people don't leave companies, they leave their boss. And it's true in my case. New boss that I had is downright bully and nasty. Bitchy comments, awful, fake personality..... Now if the company is worth fighting for, I would but in this case, where everyone I love was made redundant a few months ago and the leadership team being so incompetent......I just decided to leave! Why leave baby at daycare to go somewhere awful to work?

So yeah. Sept 16!

11 months plus | Finally some sleep

So we're two weeks shy of Baby K's first birthday...Oh far we've come along.
I'd say the past 6 weeks she's had a number of developments. From commando crawling, to eating and feeding herself (hates being fed) to communicating and understanding what we say!

What a personality she is! Baby K is a highly sociable baby who loves people. She'll always smile and wave at anyone who catches her eye. 

We finally had the Tresillian visiting last week and learnt a lot. The nurse gave us lots of tips and we tried them out of desperation - and it worked. We've been getting decent sleep since. Very much to my relief and sanity. It's a difficult feeling, when you're like a zombie and can't function 100%....But hopefully it's all in the past!

-------------------------

Growth :

Just about 7.5kgs. Small for her age, in fact she's smaller than all other babies her age. I used to worry about it but I figured as long as she is developing normally, theres nothing to worry about!

Sleep:

FINALLY sleeping through (almost) the night. She doesn't feed as much as (maximum twice). Last night she didn't need to feed at all! Hallelujah! Twitchy and I are finally feeling a little more normal and a little more alert. 

Eat : 
No more boobs. Baby K is now on formula and solids. She just decided to go off the boob and I think it happened I had gastro and was sick and dehydrated. Its a blessing in a way, she is now drinking a lot more (i can finally measure how much she drinks!). So that's the end of my breast feeding journey. 11 months with Baby K!
She is one picky eater. She has a simple palate and prefers to feed herself these days. From pasta with cheese, to poached chicken, salmon, rice cakes and grapes and pears. Once she likes a certain food she can not have enough of them!

Outings :

Out and about all the time - it's so easy now that Baby K is a little older. Only problem being the amount of things I have to prepare - food, milk, nappies....

Milestones :

She started crawling at 11 months. Commando crawling....
She stopped breastfeeding at 11 months...
She loves music and would stop to sing and dance if she knows a certain song or like the rhythm.
She likes playing peekaboo!
She finds mummy's star jumps hilarious
She started pointing at 10 months and couldn't stop pointing since!
She knows who mummy and daddy and popo is
She is beginning to repeat after mummy and say words (depending on mood)
She is learning very quickly. Takes only a few attempts to learn!

Clothes: 
We're outgrowing 00's and going into 0's. Baby K is growing slowly but it has increased a little past two weeks. woo hoo! come on baby!

Physical developments:
We finally have a little more hair! Although she won't have a full head of hair by her birthday. Poor darling keeps getting referred to as a "little fella". But hey, she has more than daddy now!
She also has noticeably long curly eyelashes, much to everyone's envy....

Caring for 3

Since twitchy's surgery, I have been on single mom mode. I drop off and pick up Baby k, I tend to her for all her 5-6 times a night wakings.... I am exhausted

Sometimes things are so far fetch, even I wouldn't believe it if it weren't my experiences! The day twitchy was discharged from hospital, I woke up with Gastro. I was in pain. But I had to continue functioning. Drove to the hospital, with baby in tow, put her on my carrier and soldier on, All fell apart at the hospital when I had to run and throw up at the toilet. Even the nurses were wondering who was the sick on in the family. 

Awful awful, the rest of the day I was literally sprawled on the playmat, attempting to watch baby and crawling to the kitchen. Never have I felt so sick and miserable....

Fast forward one week later....

We're a lot better, though Twitchy is still in pain. I am still 80% single mom mode. And I truly wish baby k wake less at night..... :(

Strong

So I never did complete my birthday post, it turned out pretty well. Hubby and I took half a day off work to watch a movie and go on a date. It was business as usually after that , we picked baby from daycare and went home.

Was truly thankful for that 3-4 hours of us time. I miss us. I love baby with all my heart but I miss us. Us these days only happen after 7 when baby's gone to bed and by then we're both just too exhausted to do anything but have cookies and milk and zone out in front of the tv....

I do realize I whinge a lot. But that's the reality of having a baby and having no support... Life is hard.

Twitchy is in for a minor surgery today and will be in the hospital overnight. Recovery is expected to take 1-2 weeks and up to 6 weeks before he gets stronger again. Which means... I'm on my own.

I sound so selfish. But I am overwhelmed. How am I expected to care for baby, baby daddy and myself at the same time?

Birthday Blues

So it's my birthday today. Never have I felt this low on my birthday. So what if it is my birthday? Work still sucks, baby still wakes in the middle of the night ( we are talking about 3 times on average) and I am still tired and snowed under a list of million things to do.

....  

Fake it till you make it

Returning to work after 9 months of maternity leave is tough enough as it is...

But returning to work with a new boss and no team is even harder. Bye bye support system. It's as though I am starting a new job all over again!

My mantra these days? Fake it till you make it!

Another milestone

Up until last night, Baby K was sleeping in our room, in her own cot, of course. That's 8+ months of co-sleeping in the bedroom. We thought it makes sense, after all, we won't have to get up and go too far to settle/sooth baby when she gets up at night. 

Well, it kind of backfired. When baby k started getting more alert, which was 6 months onwards, little noises wakes her up. And twitchy and I do toss and turn a fair bit in bed.

So we bit the bullet and move baby k and all her things into the room next door. I was gutted and felt lost. My baby, my baby is growing! First daycare and now... Sleeping in her own room on her own! Wow, motherhood does fill your heart with so much emotions and feelings....

Keep calm and carry on

My first week back at work and I took one day off to take care of a sick baby. Sheesh. I've turned into one of those parents who has to constantly take off for their kids!

We've been fighting off illnesses for the past 1 month now. I wonder when we will ever be normal again? On that note - Bethany's been to daycare for a month now! Except that she's absent half the time, from being sick!

And come to think of it, routine is non existent since daycare started.

Oh help.

Back to work | End of maternity leave

Dear Future Self,

Today is the first day I'm back at work after 9 months of maternity leave. Bethany is 8 months. I hope I never ever have to go through this again. The guilt, the stress, the exhaustion.

Started off ok. Twitchy and I were nervous but we had a plan. Twitchy would drop her off, I'd pick her up after. Simple as that. Not quite.

Baby K woke up at 5:45am (way too early, she'd usually still till 6:30 or 7). This meant that she'd be exhausted and hungry by the time she got to daycare. I breastfed her at 6:45am, before I'd leave for work. Unfortunately because Baby K's been sick and has a bad cough, she vomited all that she fed, onto my outfit. I left for work with a heavy heart - knowing we're off to a bad start.

Twitchy and I decided we ought to take her to the doctors to check her cough. But because i can't leave work early, Twitchy had to do it. So he left work early, picked Baby K from daycare and went to the doctors. When he got there, he discovered she poo'ed all over herself and the car seat. As well as Twitchy's clothes. AND THERE WERE NO NAPPY BAG. NO NAPPIES, NO WET WIPES. Needless to say, it was a messy and smelly affair, not to mention an unpleasant one to deal with at the doctors.

The good news is that the doctor says there is nothing unusual with her cough - it's a follow on from her cold.

So here we are, having tucked baby to bed and feeling exhausted. I'm emotional. I'm torn. All I'm doing at the moment is cry. and pray and wish things will get better. And that I'll never feel this way again.....


To the future me, here's what I'd like you to remember

• Express milk. Religiously. Make sure you have enough milk to last baby a month.
• Formula - alternate formula from 6 months onwards. Be strong. One formula feed per day won't kill her.
• Sleep train by 5 months. Sleep is everything. You need sleep before you can care for your kids.
• Money. Save as much as you can. Take as much time off as you can. A year? The last thing you 'd want for baby #2 is to be at daycare before he/she is even 1. 

The tired mum

Yet another sleepless night. 

Baby K has never slept through the night. Which means it has been 8 months since I had a full night sleep. I am battling fatigue now. It didn't used to bother me as she would wake up 2-3 times a night to feed, but would go straight to sleep.

For the past 3 weeks I have been waking up an average of 5-6 times a night and it takes me much longer to get her to sleep her again. Yes, she was sick for a week, but it's all done and dusted. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. I clocked only three hours of sleep and only 2 hours of it from 6am to 8am. So you can guess how my night was. 

My cold is lingering because... Surprise surprise, I don't get any sleep! And I go back to work next week (part time, of course).

8 months is a very long time to go without one decent nights sleep. I think I deserve it.